Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
