i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
