You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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