I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
