you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
