Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
