Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I wear drunk well.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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