If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive