hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.