Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass