This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
