she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
