I must be too annoying 4 u.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
