Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
