i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
