I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
