When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
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i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
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The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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