I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I hope mine doesn't look like that
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
