I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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