you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
