Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
