32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
