I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
