woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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