I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
