I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
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I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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