I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i believe in u and ur pee
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
