Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
