Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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