we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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