He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ketchup is God's man juice
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
