On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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