Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
