I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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