Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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