if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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