I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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