I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
