im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Four minutes until I can fart!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
