If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
