I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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