Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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