before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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