so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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