I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
3pm strippers are depressing
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
