All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
