eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
