I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
