3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
