this beer tastes like vomit already
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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