guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
