I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
