I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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