i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
