I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
