She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
