I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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