I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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