If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize