He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
