U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
