laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
