none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
