So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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